thoughts on memorial day

Memorial Day. I was in a conflicted state, stemming from a mixture of deep appreciation for the enjoyments I have and sadness over the enjoyments others do not. It started out happily as ever with consistently light rain, oven keeping me warm enough to allow the windows to stay open so I could smell the rain and enjoy the breeze, while I baked the day away, singing with Judy Garland, Patsy Cline, and Roberta Flack.

Yet soon, my domestic bliss was intruded upon by thoughts of others who were not indulging in such pleasures at the moment. In China, thousands of babies, grandparents, mothers, all the loved and special ones still being frantically searched for with hope only to find a body to bury. Iraq. Another soldier killed, one who loved the children deeply, who said they made it all worth it. Tornadoes right here in the homeland. Families suddenly homeless, possession-less. Eunice Kennedy Shriver, 86, recovering from a stroke, says she still must save Darfur. She doesn't have time to lay around. I am a jobless, healthy, 33 year-old capable person. Why am I not doing anything? I know, I take care of my children but I have hours to spare that are currently being spent blogging, baking, and reading, reading, reading. Not to mention the priority given to catching up on my shows that are maxing out my DVR minutes, while I blog, bake, and read.

There are times when I feel guilty for the enjoyments I have. How can I be happy when I know that at this very moment someone in the world suffers in a way my cognition could never grasp? In the day or two following China's earthquake, Chad and I were having dinner at Cheesecake Factory, our biggest problem in life being how we were going to squeeze an appetizer, entree, and cheesecake into our bellies. Then it occurred to me that at that same moment, in China, mothers were sick to their stomachs with horror, waiting desperately for rescuers to find their missing babies, buried under piles of collapsed homes and schools. In Africa, right now children cry in hunger to mothers who have nothing to offer. I shared this thought with Chad, tears could have welled up. Instead, after only two seconds of contemplation, all was disturbingly forgotten. Back to savoring the eggplant sandwich and fries! I know, really, what could I do to help China right now anyway? What is the point in letting world atrocities and calamities kill your appetite? It's just unsettling to realize how many comforts I take for granted daily. The freedom, safety, and contentment that I did nothing to earn. Perhaps the nagging guilt is my conscience telling me that I can and should do more. But where happiness is reachable, it shouldn't be wasted, because who knows when we will be the ones who suffer beyond measure while people across the globe eat their lobster.

I decided to turn guilt into gratitude and savor the easy, attainable joy in my life now, taking nothing for granted.

Chad and I bought a huge salmon that we were excited to grill on the cedar planks we purchased recently. Now, it doesn't happen often that I cook a huge meal. I don't want to leave the impression that I actually cook every night. I don't even cook most nights. But when I do, it tends to get a bit overboard so we decided to enjoy it with the Doddridge family. We hadn't seen them for way too long, and it was a wonderful visit. There's Julie with Jack and Allie, making fun of my "fancy" cheeses!